Dedication / Preface / "Why? Why Would a Person Do This?" / About the Authors / Intro / "I Got a Million of ’Em" / "I Find This Hard to Believe" / "Is This a Joke?" / "I Do Not Care for These Stories" / "Let’s Take a Break and Have Some More Silly Stories" / "White Church: The Worst Place on Earth" / "Amber Ruins the Book" / "I Want to Put This Book Down and Run Away from It" / "There’s Nothing I Can Say to You to Make You Believe" / Colophon