Eugene Mirman Discography I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)

I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)

Release date October 30, 2015

Tracklist

1

Introduction, A Gift From Derrick

3:31

2

Some Jokes That Have To Do With My Girlfriend, A Hotel In Boston, A Man In Provincetown, Twitter, Time Vs. Timing, A Neck Pillow

5:00

3

Sub Pop Showcase At SxSW

1:56

4

3:03

5

Some Jokes That Touch Upon Religion, Guitar Center

3:04

6

A LinkedIn Profile

2:39

7

The Time I Was Mugged In Mexico With Michael Stipe

5:48

8

Girlfriend, Khaleesi, Any Questions, Making A 'Zine

3:50

9

Contacting Celebrities On Facebook

4:18

10

Not Happy With A Parking Ticket I Got In Portsmouth, NH

7:59

11

Paintings I Made To Showcase At My Local Whole Foods

2:29

12

I Marry A Couple From The Audience On Stage

7:05

13

Welcome To The Meditation, Please Get Comfortable

3:22

14

2:26

15

1:55

16

Tummy, Doodle & Hoo-Hoo

2:54

17

2:54

18

Throat, Arms & Hands

2:41

19

1:51

20

Thank You Body, Simple Ways To Relax

3:14

21

0:16

22

0:04

23

Horse Galloping

0:07

24

0:08

25

0:04

26

0:08

27

0:05

28

0:07

29

0:09

30

Cat Asking For Directions

0:09

31

Two Sheep Arguing

0:10

32

Mice Making Fried Rice

0:06

33

0:04

34

0:07

35

Fox Embarrassed About His Boner

0:07

36

Giraffe Sleeping

0:08

37

0:04

38

0:09

39

Chicken Prostitue Haggling

0:13

40

0:05

41

Toilet Flushing

0:08

42

0:08

43

Automatic Door Opening

0:06

44

0:04

45

0:06

46

Frying Pan Sizzle

0:08

47

0:09

48

Dishwasher Running

0:08

49

Telephone Ringing

0:07

50

Telephone Falling On The Ground

0:09

51

0:08

52

0:09

53

VCR Ejecting A Tape

0:06

54

Group Of Businessmen Agreeing

0:18

55

Baby Locked In A Dresser

0:09

56

0:04

57

0:06

58

0:09

59

Little Girl Crying

0:12

60

Man Walking In Boots

0:12

61

0:05

62

Screaming Woman Who Sounds Like A Man

0:07

63

TV Audience Clapping At Food

0:11

64

0:14

65

0:10

66

Last Guy At A Rave

0:09

67

0:06

68

0:07

69

0:08

70

0:07

71

Scanning An Item

0:04

72

Feeling For A Ripe Avocado

0:06

73

Jihadist After Seeing About A Boy

0:07

74

Jack-In-The-Box

0:08

75

0:06

76

0:06

77

0:05

78

Italian Person Eating a Pizza Pie

0:07

79

Naturalized Immigrant Doing A Job You Are Unqualified For

0:10

80

Abortion Doctor Enjoying A Candy Bar

0:10

81

Grand Wizard Can't Find A Sock

0:06

82

Powerful Senator

0:09

83

Powerful Senator II

0:11

84

0:06

85

Ambient Noise In An Airplane

0:12

86

Airplane Flying

0:10

87

0:07

88

Police Siren In Europe

0:08

89

Police Siren In Belgium

0:08

90

0:04

91

0:05

92

.357 Magnum Inside A Watermelon

0:11

93

Gays In The Military

0:06

94

0:05

95

0:10

96

0:10

97

0:09

98

0:11

99

Sentient Robot Going About His Daily Business

0:14

100

Computer Downloading A File

0:10

101

0:04

102

0:11

103

Kids Playing In The Park

0:14

104

Kids Playing In The Park II

0:10

105

Spaceship Flying

0:10

106

Spaceship Crashing

0:07

107

Going To Warp Speed

0:06

108

Alien Supermarket

0:18

109

0:11

110

Someone Controlling Technology By Waving Their Hands

0:14

111

Ronald Reagan Taking A Shower

0:09

112

0:05

113

Fur Coat Getting F*cked By A Bunch Of Cats

0:12

114

Tree Falling In A Forest

0:09

115

Jewish Person Saying "Oy Vey" Wrong

0:08

116

0:07

117

People Being Diligent At An Ad Agency

0:10

118

0:06

119

Living Helicopter Complaining

0:10

120

Chinese Woman Eating Lasagna

0:11

121

Hero Returning From A Budweiser Commercial

0:10

122

Elephant Having Trouble

0:10

123

One Of Those People On The Street Who Tries To Get Money

0:13

124

Telephone Calling A Toaster

0:13

125

Grasshopper Asking A Dog A Question

0:15

126

Shortwave Radio

0:12

127

Two Apples On A Rainy Sunday In The Fall

0:12

128

Dentist Having Sex

0:07

129

Panda At A Hotel

0:10

130

Birth Control Pills Telling A Little Boy Not To Eat Them

0:10

131

Cat That Doesn't Mind

0:09

132

Male Toothpaste Being Sneaky

0:08

133

Creamy Polenta Vs. Couscous

0:10

134

Old Man's Penis

0:10

135

0:13

136

Museum That Needs To Use The Bathroom

0:12

137

Celebrity Agreeing To Take A Selfie

0:10

138

Guy Getting A Sweet Beej

0:12

139

Fire Hydrant That Doesn't Want Anyone To Know It's Anti-Semitic

0:13

140

Bellhop Who Got Stung

0:07

141

LGBT Party Where People Are Eating Sushi

0:16

142

LGBT Newsletter That Loves The Expendables Franchise

0:10

143

Sweaty Kid Crying About A Sandwich

0:08

144

Too Many Pieces Of Paper

0:06

145

0:04

146

Magic Clown Using His Powers

0:12

147

Wild Turkey Bragging About His Mansion

0:13

148

The Number 84 Explaining To The Number 52 That It Is Bigger But Not Better

0:11

149

Tape Recorder Being Used Wrong

0:09

150

Misogynistic Maple Trees

0:12

151

Apple Sauce Being Naughty

0:06

152

0:09

153

Two Pistols Sitting On A Shelf

0:08

154

Cookies Being Arrested

0:10

155

Sheep That Is Too Cute To Eat

0:13

156

Daughter Reacting To Her Mother Telling Her There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World

0:11

157

Desk Covered In Hair

0:08

158

Person From 1870 Who Was Frozen In Time

0:14

159

Boy Who Loves Hammocks

0:10

160

0:10

161

A Billion Ants Writing A Complaint Letter

0:12

162

Two 20-Year-Olds Touching Their Winkies

0:09

163

Yellow Line That Divides Roads

0:09

164

Smell Of A Pear

0:11

165

Group Of Wealthy Men

0:13

166

0:07

167

25 Rats Sleeping

0:23

168

0:07

169

0:05

170

0:06

171

0:05

172

0:05

173

0:05

174

0:05

175

0:07

176

Telescope Being Defensive

0:08

177

Larry King Being Told Important Information

0:10

178

0:05

179

The Moment A Well-Respected Author Wins The Guinness World Record

0:11

180

0:05

181

Little Girl Teasing A Lamp

0:09

182

Zoo With Nothing To Lose

0:09

183

0:07

184

Friendship Bracelet

0:07

185

Thor's Hammer, Mjölnir

0:08

186

Two Lost Fireflies

0:09

187

0:10

188

Elevator At The Empire State Building

0:13

189

Tip Of A Billionaire's Penis

0:10

190

Brand New Pillows Covered In Blood

0:08

191

French Kids Picking Apples

0:08

192

Huge Pile Of Dirty Shirts

0:11

193

Hotel Guest Falling Asleep Frustrated

0:11

194

RomneyCare & ObamaCare

0:16

195

The Nerve Of Some People

0:04

196

0:05

197

Spilled Milk That Found Out Its Son Died In A Car Accident

0:09

198

A BuzzFeed List

0:08

199

Two College Kids Subtly Trying To Figure Out Which One Is More Disadvantaged

0:11

200

Fox News & MSNBC

0:14

201

Amicable Divorce

0:05

202

Bing-Bong Ding-Dong Playing With Boom-Boom Doom-Doom

0:09

203

0:06

204

Telecommuting Cat

0:06

205

0:05

206

0:07

207

Caldor Binge Drinking

0:11

208

Gender Roles On Their Way To A Football Game

0:09

209

0:04

210

School Teacher Given Permission

0:12

211

High School Hockey Team Seeing 20 Years Into The Future

0:07

212

0:07

213

Anna Kendrick Discovering An Underwater City

0:06

214

The Czech Republic

0:08

215

Drug Lord Feels Pretty Bad

0:07

216

Hotel Bed That Is Tired

0:08

217

Warm Handmade Boiled Bagels

0:09

218

Silly Billy Goat Got A Heroin Addiction

0:18

219

A Medically Reliable Introduction To Digital Drugs

0:25

220

3:00

221

3:00

222

3:00

223

Apple Cider Vinegar

3:00

224

3:00

225

3:00

226

3:00

227

3:00

228

3:00

229

3:00

230

0:18

231

1:32

232

17:51

233

I Simply Keep Crying

25:35

234

Welcome To My Russian Audio Phrasebook

0:36

235

Common Statements & Questions For Everyday Situations

1:57

236

Conversational Russian In The Workplace

2:17

237

Casual Phrases For Parties, Pubs & Outings

2:38

238

Proper Dinner Conversation For The Educated Guest

2:59

239

Small Talk With Strangers & Acquaintances in Public Spaces

3:00

240

Useful Phrases While On Vacation In Russia

2:49

241

Commonplace Subjects Within The Rich World of Academia

2:39

242

Polite Ways To Engage People of High Status

3:15

243

Enter The F*Ckscape

3:07

244

Take A Ride On The Poon Schooner

3:19

245

I'm A Dirty Little Foreign Advisor

3:32

246

I Thought I Was The Pancake Man

3:46

247

You're A World-Class Pussy-Grifter

8:18

248

Intro To Ringtones

0:28

249

0:07

250

Vibrate Vibrate Vibrate

0:07

251

Ding-Dong Doodly-Doo

0:10

252

Waterfalls Shrimp Shrimp

0:08

253

Fiddle-Doddle-Doodle-Deedle

0:08

254

Doo-Doo-Pa-Dee-Da-Da-Pada

0:11

255

Phone Is Ringing

0:09

256

0:07

257

0:12

258

0:13

259

0:06

260

0:05

261

0:06

262

0:05

263

Zippa-Dee-Doo-Da Zippa-Dee-Da

0:09

264

0:05

265

0:10

266

Husband Calling

0:09

267

Someone Is Calling

0:12

268

F*ckface Calling

0:07

269

0:06

270

0:15

271

0:10

272

Wouowowoooouuuooo

0:13

273

0:08

274

Trtrtrtrtrtrtrllllbbrrr

0:17

275

Vrrrvvvvvvvvvvbbbrrr

0:10

276

Hyeuueehuuyehyeheyehyeyeeuu

0:12

277

0:10

278

Hrrruuhrrrunnghruu

0:06

279

Hraaaa! Hraavlaa!

0:07

280

Luuuuleelaaalalou!!

0:06

281

Unnngnhhhnhnhnuua

0:11

282

Answer The Phone

0:12

283

0:06

284

Susan Sarandon Is Calling

0:11

285

0:06

286

Doodle-Doodle Hoo-Hoo

0:07

287

0:06

288

0:05

289

0:06

290

0:05

291

0:06

292

0:11

293

0:06

294

0:04

295

I Can't Answer The Phone

0:16

296

Intro To Outgoing Voicemail Messages

1:08

297

0:11

298

0:09

299

0:08

300

The Sizzle-Maker

0:13

301

0:13

302

0:07

303

0:07

304

0:16

305

0:07

306

0:04

307

0:08

308

0:06

309

0:07

310

0:06

311

0:07

312

0:11

313

Leave Your Name

0:07

314

0:07

315

0:11

316

0:08

317

0:05

318

Penicillin Dong

0:06

319

Thong McHacky-Sack

0:07

320

0:04

321

0:08

322

Confident Balls

0:08

323

0:10

324

0:06

325

Pile Of Sneakers

0:08

326

0:07

327

Crème Fresh Jackson

0:08

328

I Can't Answer The Phone

0:04

329

Flitchy Woo-Woo

0:10

330

Slick motherf*cker

0:06

331

0:10

332

Can't Come To Phone

0:13

333

0:07

334

0:08

335

0:09

336

0:09

337

Hello, Mr. c*nt

0:05

338

Standard Greeting 1

0:07

339

Standard Greeting 2

0:08

340

Standard Greeting 3

0:07

341

Standard Greeting 4

0:07

342

Standard Greeting 5

0:10

343

Standard Greeting 6

0:09

344

Standard Greeting 7

0:07

345

I Can't Answer The Phone (But I Want To)

2:15

346

Please Take Off Your Shoes

0:04

347

Don Draper Has The Flu

0:06

348

Moons Over Your Hammy

0:10

349

It's Not A Slumber Party Without Thor

0:04

350

Now My Back Hurts

0:04

351

Waffle House Parking Lot Mix-Up

0:13

352

Thank You So, So Much Mandy Patinkin

0:04

353

0:05

354

Sneaking Around The Zoo

0:08

355

Goodnight, Buddy

0:17

356

Baba Yaga Already Said She Was Sorry

0:06

357

Faxed To The Wrong Number

0:12

358

Linda Ronstadt Chillaxing

0:04

359

1960's Street Fight

0:05

360

Seriously Bro, You Just Made Me Goosh... Thanks

0:09

361

You Can Call Me Al (Not Song)

0:06

362

Don't Worry, This Man-Nanny Can Keep A Secret

0:11

363

The Best Misunderstanding

0:04

364

Whoa... Lookout, Sir Beast-Weasel

0:07

365

Kindhearted Fireman

0:06

366

Let's Put Our Intellectual Property Debate On Hold

0:04

367

Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. And Mrs. President

0:11

368

Ice Cream Hearts Melting In The Love-Sun

0:11

369

Offal For Lunch, Woo-Hoo For Dinner

0:24

370

Goofballs Having Silly Fun

0:09

371

The Jackal Never Misses!

0:10

372

Land-Grabber's Cousin Has Nice Upstairs

0:04

373

Mrs. Thunder/Mr. 80% Chance Of Rain

0:07

374

Don't Mind If I Do...

0:11

375

Round One Goes To Princess-Rump

0:07

376

Happy And Stuffed

0:06

377

Just Another Guns N' Roses Brunch

0:06

378

Pleasant Surprise At Sleepaway Camp

0:07

379

Handsome Old Man Has A Tummy Ache

0:04

380

0:11

381

No, Please... After You

0:08

382

Gimme Back My Bonnie Raitt CD... Actually, Keep It

0:10

383

Tollbooth Attendant Is Open-Minded

0:08

384

88% On Rotten Tomatoes

0:04

385

Mischievous Whoopsy-Daisy

0:13

386

Two Rascals Showing Off

0:28

387

48 And Flexible

0:06

388

That Was Worth It

0:13

389

Bandits Helping Around The House

0:04

390

Army Buddies Going Big-Ball Bowling

0:14

391

I'm The Autodidact Of Amour

0:10

392

Oh, My Wife Knows

0:09

393

That Was The Best FTP I Ever Uploaded

0:13

394

The Healing Heart/Mother-In-Law

0:06

395

Just Two Doves At A Sweat Party

0:19

396

We Get Five Weeks' Vacation In Holland

0:05

397

Young Man Is An Excellent Executive Administrative Assistant

0:16

398

Two Adults In A Small Space

0:11

399

Dude, We're On The 5 O'Clock News

0:18

400

Www.Thepleasuresallmine.Gov

0:11

401

I Don't Have The Hiccups Anymore

0:08

402

Thank You For Allowing Me Access To Your Oven

0:15

403

These Goat-Like People Know Their Bodies!

0:08

404

Bill Clinton Is Still Quite Playful

0:10

405

I Could Sure Use A Glass Of Water Now

0:09

406

The Kindness Of Strangers

0:10

407

We're Registered At Bed, Bath & Behind

0:13

408

IT Department Doesn't Have A Care In The World

0:04

409

Brassy, Bald And Ejaculating

0:09

410

I Voted For McCain In 2000

0:10

411

New Car Smell, Old Car Feel

0:09

412

Paul Can Really Push Good

0:12

413

Stay In My Guest Room As Long As You Want

0:08

414

David And Joshua Mutual Pleasure Exchange

0:08

415

Doin' The Flip-A-Doo

0:05

416

Anti-Vaxxer "Saxophone" Relaxer

0:11

417

Germaphobe Does Not Mind

0:04

418

Very Sleepy Man Delivers On Promise

0:09

419

Fourscore And Seven Years Of Happy-Happy

0:12

420

0:09

421

French Woman Enjoying A Danish

0:06

422

No Shirt, No Shoes - Service

0:12

423

With Or Without You (Preferably With)

0:12

424

Shouts And Murmurs

0:04

425

Pilates Are Invigorating

0:12

426

I'll Take A Look At The Dessert Menu

0:08

427

The Last Rock Star

0:20

428

It's Noon Somewhere

0:04

429

My Bar Mitzvah Was Ten Years Ago

0:16

430

Community Bookstore Meet-Up Gone Good

0:05

431

Love Clean Up, Aisle One

0:13

432

Found Your Thing Using MapQuest

0:05

433

Divorced MILF At A Used Record Store

0:15

434

This Cheesecake Is Divine

0:04

435

0:16

436

Can't Find My Socks (Don't Want To)

0:05

437

Even Better Than An Associate Degree

0:13

438

I Went To School In The Boston Area

0:10

439

Happiness Is A Warm Dong

0:11

440

Square Hole, Triangle Peg, Plus Another Square Hole

0:20

441

Call Me Dr. Stardust

0:04

442

Now That's How A Puppy Should Sneeze

0:23

443

Fun Times Inside A Grain Elevator

0:04

444

Operation Cooch-Toot

0:17

445

0:04

446

My Parents Won't Be Home For A Year And Five Days

0:08

447

Sure, In There Is Fine

0:04

448

The Official Webcam Of Yugoslavia

0:07

449

Last Entry Is At Three, But You Can Stay Til Six(!)

0:10

450

We Were Just Talking About You

0:09

451

Bridesmaid Cutting Loose At The Governor Bradford

0:09

452

0:10

453

We Deserve A Michelin Star

0:10

454

Mr. Mamet Showing Off His Special Forces

0:21

455

Soup Dumplings, Squish-Squish

0:07

456

How Very Hemmingway Of You

0:04

457

Drinking Straight Out Of Lust's Milk Carton

0:11

458

Amateur Anthropologist Makes Important Observation

0:15

459

Senior Year Hebrew School Mischief

0:08

460

I Wonder If This Was Allowed In Prussia?

0:13

461

Pretty Fun Night In Merrill C3 Short

0:07

462

Should We Take The Bridge Or The Tunnel?

0:13

463

Dirty Boulevard

0:04

464

Is The Love-Falcon Available For Birthdays?

0:09

465

Portland, ME Is Cool... But Really Weird

0:10

466

The Wish-Maker Will See You Now

0:17

467

Head Of Development Instructing Rugged Hiker

0:12

468

The Shenanigans You Requested

0:05

469

0:10

470

Please Don't Make This About Harold Pinter (Again)

0:07

471

Wet Hot Americano

0:14

472

A Gentleman Never Reveals His Source

0:13

473

Glad The Town Approved Your Slurping Permit

0:09

474

A Mime Betrayed, A Mime Forgiven

0:10

475

0:10

476

Please Be Quiet Or You'll Wake Up My Titties

0:08

477

Never You Mind That

0:09

478

She Got A Real Candy Apple Poot-Hooter

0:10

479

Dolph Lundgren At That Top Of His Game

0:08

480

Mustachioed Man Has Patience, Diligence

0:11

481

Two Gigolos, One Office Manager

0:10

482

Secretary Of State Is Not Off-Putting

0:10

483

It Took Another Man's Wife To Make This Boy A Man

0:11

484

Nothing Goes To Waste

0:18

485

My Mouse Is Thankful For Your Mouse

0:11

486

Make Yourself At Home

0:04

487

Meet Me By The Condom Machine

0:05

488

I Feel Like I've Known You For Hours

0:13

489

Oh, I Thought You Wanted Something Else, Glad It Worked Out

0:06

490

Fire Your Dentist!

0:09

491

Postwar Japan Is Well-Understood By These Two

0:14

492

Gene Simmons Crying In A Pile Of sh*t

0:10

493

I'm The Only Lady Who Could Pull Excalibur Outta There

0:07

494

Rooting For Truffles, Miami Style

0:12

495

Businessman Has Ding-Dong Like Rocket Ship

0:07

496

Sally's In Charge

0:10

497

Too Much Pudding, Not Enough Spoons

0:10

498

The Turkish Parliament Has Approved This "Carrot-Man"

0:04

499

It's Raining Dan

0:08

500

It's Like Apples And Oranges (F*cking)

0:04

501

College Is Exactly What I Was Hoping It'd Be

0:20

502

Mentally Ill Farmer Is Finally Getting Help

0:04

503

A Swedish Couple Enjoying Hearty Vegetables

0:06

504

Vulnerable Oligarch Vulnerably Sexting

0:07

505

Best Friends/Next Level

0:09

506

Tooth Fairy Is Quite Real

0:05

507

Civil Disobedience Met With Heartfelt Understanding

0:14

508

A Textbook Case Of Level-12 Pleasure

0:04

509

So Glad That Was You Behind Me

0:06

510

An Astoundingly Honest And Fun Salesman

0:04

511

Celebrating My Promotion With My Wife And Some Dude

0:11

512

Martha Washington? Mmmm Hmmmm

0:08

513

Crammin' For The Jam Exam

0:10

514

I'm Glad We Waited Til Dusk

0:09

515

You Are As Powerful And Detail-Oriented As A River, Sir

0:04

516

Just A Couple Of Lucky Special Ed Teachers

0:13

517

You're Like John Adams Times 1.5!

0:05

518

Babysitter Surprisingly Into Divorced Software Engineer

0:09

519

I Guess We'll Need A New Kitchen

0:08

520

Guilty Catholics Have To Marry Each Other

0:10

521

They Call Me The "You're Welcome Man"

0:30

522

Let's Get Your Mind Off Of The Dust Bowl

0:07

523

So Relieved We Found This Abandoned Schoolhouse

0:07

524

File Under "The Rolling Stones"

0:06

525

No Need To Explain Your Clean Aqueduct

0:11

526

My Poon-Noodles Are Your Doon-Poodles

0:07

527

Two-State Solution With Benefits

0:07

528

My Skill Set Qualifies Me For This Position

0:10

529

Can't Tell If This Is Sex Or Hockey

0:12

530

Have The Report On My Dick In The Morning

0:05

531

So This Is Medicaid?

0:07

532

Mature Cougar Is Addicted To Beej Pie

0:10

533

Abe Lincoln (Not That One) Is Ready For Fatherhood

0:06

534

Sure, You Can Use The Cat Door

0:08

535

No Senator, I Already Have Two

0:16

536

PTA Meeting Is Full Of Joy And Wonder

0:06

537

Oh Peter, Thank You For The Yard Work

0:10

538

A Real Whodunnit!

0:09

539

Horace's Compromise

0:10

540

Plutocrats Got Feelings Too

0:08

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