Columbus, OH

77 Myths of Venerable Magik

Featuring
Release year 2022

Tracklist

1
I Hate Black Metal... Or Frostbytten and Bvtthurt
2
Doesn’t Matter What You Call Yourself, You’re Always Gonna Be a Nazi (Just Say No to NSBM)
3
How to Get Signed
4
Social Media Death Metal
5
I’m Pretty Cool Myself
6
Jump the Heck Up
7
Super Unorthodox Backwoods Coffee Club Revival
8
Skimpy Solomon Fartfingers
9
Introduction: Gathering Around the Light of the Fire as the Unearthly and Benevolent Spirits of the Forest Join Us in This Magik Night
10
My Elf Ears Melted in My Car
11
Ranking Morbid Angel Albums Solely Based Upon Their Cover Art
12
At the Risk of Taking a Feminist Stance, I Gotta Say Cemetery Rapist Is a Very Bad Band
13
Getting Frostbite During the Texas Blizzard Taking Corpsepaint Photos
14
Don’t Tempt Me Frodo!
15
Awaken Me When the Time Is Appropriate to Listen to Type O Negative
16
Venom Enema
17
The Frozen One Awaits
18
Beefcakes Without Borders
19
Nothing More Punk Than a Fast, Casual Italian Eatery
20
The Ancient Spell, Grimly Uttered in the Tongues of the Old Ones by My Unfortunate Rectum Hours After Eating Spicy Curry
21
Mamma’s Selling a Line 6
22
Professor Snape, the World’s Favorite Incel
23
The Gate of No Return
24
The Noise Gate of No Return
25
My Former Life as a Poser
26
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
27
Diesel Boner
28
Really, How Long Does It Take to Test a Fucking Compression Pedal??
29
Tormented and Coerced Into Performing a Live Ritual by an Eldritch Forest Spirit, a Pair of Ghouls and a Weeb
30
How Can I Be Punk When I Have a Severe Skin Allergy to Nickel
31
Freebasing Cringe
32
I Wish My Life Had More of a Thulean Perspective
33
Daydreaming Giddily About John Lennon Burning in Hell
34
Catfishing Viper
35
Cognitive Ball Therapy
36
Researching the Legality of Cannibalism
37
Entering and Leaving the Garage Waiting for the Random Encounter Peavey to Spawn
38
Unapproachable Raw Black Metal Legend Purchasing Me Indie Rock Record From My Own City
39
Cursed to Listen to Untold Hours of King Crimson in the Lair of Count Progula
40
Asking Raw Black Metal Elite, “You Ever Heard Behemoth?”
41
Buying a Gun From the Drummer of Savatage
42
Having a Random Encounter With Lord Wurm in Recycled, to Have Him Babble Something Insane and Give You an S Rank Quest
43
Nice 12 String Ric You Psych Rock Playing Poser (I Mean This Unironically)
44
Okay Give Me That Guitar It’s Too Cool for You, You Play Psych Rock in 2021
45
Wolves in the Throne Room Posting Emojis (Wolves in the Throne Room Are a Bunch of Fucking Nerds Pt 2)
46
Being a Pornogrind Fan Is Cleaning the Cum Out of the Grooves on Your Meat Shits Records
47
The Worst Part of Being an NSBM Fan (Other Than, Y’know Being Racist) Is Having to Pretend That Absurd Is a Good Band
48
Like a Macabre Rail of Silly String a Footlong Cord of Turds Rope Descends From My Anus
49
And on That Day His Forehead Grew Three Times Its Normal Size
50
Punishing Edm Kids With Neil Young
51
Becoming a Cocaine Cowboy Because You Don’t Know What Else to Do With Yourself Now That Burger Records Is Cancelled
52
You’ll Cowards Won’t Even Play in Standard Tuning
53
Todopoderoso Steals Riffs From Kombat (How DARE They Play an Open E)
54
Ancient Sword of the Meth King
55
I’m Going to Fucking Fight Vincent Gallo, and I Will Win
56
Successfully Cyberbullied a Child
57
Save a Tele, Kill Your Local Indie Rocker
58
Do You Believe in Magick (Spelled with a “K”)?
59
Aerosmith by Choice
60
Another Wampyric and Elusive Black Metal Project With Dungeon Synth Interludes Just Like the Last Five That I Unloaded My Paycheck On
61
That Mountain Goats Song About a Death Metal Band Wasn’t About Kombat
62
Jackhammer Dildo
63
Knowing Very Obscure Metal Bands Makes Me a Desirable Person and Fun to Talk to at Parties
64
An Onslaught of Rotting Monkeys
65
Giving My Album Art the Color Palette of Black, White and Red So We All Know It’s Blasphemy Worship (What the Goat Wasn’t Enough of a Giveaway?)
66
Wretched Crotchspawn of a Belligerent Oogle
67
Larry Is Bald
68
Cum Ghost
69
The House That Beef Built
70
Time to Start Bullying NFT Artists
71
Critical Race Theory in Power Electronics
72
A Snake With a Mohawk Eating Its Own Asshole
73
I Fear My Earthling Neighbors Have Seen Me Feasting Upon Car Batteries
74
A Group of Three (3) Or More Peavey Combo Amps Is Commonly Referred to as a “Pawn Shop”
75
Honor Guard of Black Kittens Guide Me as I Carry This Pile of Bones Home
76
If You Feel Your Rectum Begin to Leak Feel Free to Challenge Me to a Battle of Intellects on Facebook
77
Eno-Pilled